I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
