drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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