I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
