I wish I only lived at night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
