She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
