Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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