apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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