Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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