I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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