I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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