he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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