Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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