Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
