hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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