You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
