I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
