ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
