U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need water and some morals
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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