How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize