I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
