I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
