I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize