I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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