this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
