I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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