I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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