My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
