i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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