Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
