i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
