i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
