I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
