My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
