Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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