I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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