If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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