y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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