Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
