When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
