He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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