I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
