I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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