Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
