Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
