How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
