Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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