I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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