May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
