didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
