She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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