There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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