dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
