I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
