Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize