thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
