Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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