Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
