White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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