You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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