my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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