I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
