Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
