I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
