My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
