You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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