i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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