You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
