and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize