I accidentally burped into my bong.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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