Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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