He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
