i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
