We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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