That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
