Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
