I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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