So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
